Tuesday, August 17, 2021


For some reason some people out there think country music is all sap, heartbreak and whining about losing your love. Well there is plenty of that out there, but Lord there are some other ones out there that just aren't gonna be about the sad life. Them country songs is funny, mama!

"How much smoke can one stove make? The kids won't eat my charcoal cake."

- Mr. Mom (Lonestar)

"These days there's dudes getting facials, manicured, waxed, and botoxed. With deep spray on tans and creamy, lotioney hands, you can't grip a tackle box."

I'm Still a Guy - Brad Paisley

"I sat in that waiting room, it seemed like all afternoon
The nurse finally said doc's ready for you
You're not gonna feel a thing we'll give you some Novocaine
That tooth will be fine in a minute or two
Then he stuck that needle down deep in my gum
And he started drilling before I was numb
Some beach
Somewhere ..."

Some Beach - Blake Shelton

"Now I really love how you're easy to stack/But I really hate how you're easy to crack'/Cause when beer runs down the front of my back/Well that my friends is quite yucky."

Red Solo Cup - Toby Keith

"Well honey me and the boys played cards all night.
There wasn't no hanky-panky, not a woman in sight.
I know I should called, and baby I. I'm really sorry,
But get a cellular phone and then you won't have to worry.
You know how much I love ya, darling, and I'm ready to prove it.
And that's my story and I'm sticking to it."

That's My Story - Collin Raye

"Now, listen you ain't heard nothin' yet
Why, they give her the color television set
Then they give her the house, the kids, and both of the cars! See?
Well, then they start talkin' 'bout child support
Alimony, and the cost of the court
Didn't take me long to figure out how far in the toilet I was!
I'm tellin' ya, they have made a mistake
Cause it adds up to more than this cowboy makes!
Besides; everything I ever had worth takin', they've already took!
While she's livin' like a queen on alimony
I'm workin' two shifts eatin' baloney
Askin' myself, "Why didn't you just learn how to cook?!?!"

"But I think she only loves me for my Willie
Somethin' 'bout my Willie turns her on
It's not all that extraordinary, really

But it's better than my Haggard and my Jones
It's a little thing and you might think it's silly
But you can bet it's always on her mind

I think she only loves me for my Willie
She keeps askin' for my Willie all the time"

"Now all you house dwellers I know your just jealous
Wish you had freedom like this
We don't need a moving van or a real estate man
Just a rusty trailer hitch

Cause the wheels on the house go round and round
Wheels on the house go round
We get tired of the view, we just move across town
Wheels on the house go round"

"You got fat, I got famous
Ain't that funny how it changes
You made fun of me for years
I get paid to play my songs
I got a headline gig in Austin
You got a closet drinking problem
And a juvenile delinquent souvenir from Senior Prom
I got a Budweiser endorsement
You're re-financing your mortgage
How's it feel to make those payments?
You got fat and I got famous"

Fat and Famous - Ashley McBryde

"No I don't look good naked anymore
I'm a deep-fried, double-wide version of the man I was before
If I keep on like I'm doing
I won't fit through the door
And I don't look good naked anymore"

I Don't Look Good Naked Anymore - The Snake Oil Willie Band 

"Yeah, I can't wait to see her
With those big old eyes so blue
The blondest hair you've ever seen
And that butterfly tattoo
Now wait a minute buddy
Did you say butterfly tattoo? Yeah
Well I'll be a monkey's uncle
My Rita's got one too"

Small Small World - The Statler Brothers

"I love it when she calls me Butter Cup
She laughs and says I left the toilet seat up
She pops and tosses me a cold beer
And says my buddies always welcome here
When i get hungry, she takes me out
I ride the shotgun like a shitzu hound
My tails a waggin', my tongue's hangin' out
It makes me wanna shout...
I got a brand new girlfriend"

Brand New Girlfriend- Steve Holy (Jeffrey Steele)

"She didn’t want to waste her time with no poor-ass singer
She wanted all the bling
That married life would bring her
So she got the ring
And I got the finger"

"Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
When you're perfect in every way
I can't wait to look in the mirror
Cause I get better looking each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man
Oh Lord It's hard to be humble,
But I'm doing the best that I can"

Other funny country tunes:

"You're the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly" - Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty
"No Trash in My Trailer" - Colt Ford
"Trailerhood" - Toby Keith
"I'm Gonna Hire A Wino" - David Frizzell
"Fish" - Craig Campbell
"I Pray for You" - Jaron and the Long Road to Love
"Summer Started" - Mason Douglas
"She Only Bitches When She Breathes" - Freddy B
"It's a Great Day To Whoop Somebody's Ass" - Paul Thorn
"Who's Gonna Mow Your Grass?" - Buck Owens
"Giddy On Up" - Laura Bell Bundy
"Mississippi Squirrel Revival" - Ray Stevens
"Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart" and "A Boy Named Sue"- Johnny Cash
"The Ugly One" - Ray Scott
"Dolly Parton's Hits" - Bobby Braddock
"I Still Like Bologna" - Alan Jackson
"Attitude Adjustment" - Hank Williams, Jr
"Here's Your Sign" - Jeff Foxworthy & Travis Tritt
"Cletus Take the Reel" - Tim Hawkins

What's your favorite funny country song?

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